


Thh: Chapter One Re-Write

by RockLobsterr



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: God complex Yasuhiro, Hifumi/Anime Tiddy, Makoto is fucking concerned, Oh my god I’m going to vomit, chapter one of thh but it’s the demo version, hey at least Leon lives am I right?, spectors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockLobsterr/pseuds/RockLobsterr
Summary: Au where the demo is canon and Hagakure dies first
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Thh: Chapter One Re-Write

**Author's Note:**

> I am losing my mind.

The time for the nightly announcement was nearing and Makoto Naegi was getting ready for bed. Turns out the stress of being in an actual fucking life or death situation can make a guy pretty tired. He threw himself onto his mattress and closed his eyes, just wanting the day to be over. But alas, there was an aggressive knocking at the door.

Naegi’s breath hitched. oh god this was it, someone was going to finally put the nail in his coffin. But he couldn’t die now! It would be way too inconvenient to kill off the protagonist after all and that was not an idea Spike Chunsoft was ready to explore...at least not yet.

With the subconscious knowledge of his plot armor, Makoto slowly made his way to the door and cracked it open like a cold one.

“H-Hagakure???” Okay now he was really confused, this guy was pretty sketchy. Not only did he seem to be a con artist, he also happened to be a dumbass. And you would think that cancels out the whole ‘con artist’ thing but evidently not. “Uhh can I help you?” Boy did Naegi wish it had been literally anyone else. Perhaps Sayaka Maizono, the ultimate pop sensation, there’s no way such a sweet girl could ever do any wrong. Yes, that was a fact and Makoto was definitely not simping or anything.

“NAEGI-CHI, LISTEN TO ME! YA GOTTA LET ME CRASH HERE!” He was very frantic and insistent, grabbing Makoto by the shoulders and shaking him. Had Makoto been an infant, he probably would have died.

“Woah, calm down! You can’t just barge in my room and demand to stay here!” The hope twink protested. Yasuhiro let him go.

“NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THERES A FUCKING SPECTOR IN MY ROOM AND HE WONT STOP-“

“WHAT THE HELL IS A SPECTOR?”

“THAT DOESNT MATTER, NOW SWAP ROOMS WITH ME!” Makoto was at a loss here.

“I-“ he stammered. “Are you on drugs?? Because I know Byakuya couldn’t find his xans this morning and now I’m wondering-“

“N o. You need to leave.” The sudden change in tone elicited an unparalleled fear in Makoto, he nearly shat himself. After all, he was 5’3 and built like a wet noodle. Yasuhiro could easily goomba stomp him and end his whole career. It’d be better to just comply.

“Yeah ok got it.” And with that, Makoto dipped. 

The fortune teller sat on the bed and sighed. He could not believe his plan had worked, oh boy was he smart and inconspicuous. there was no possible he could ever get caught if he committed the crime In Makoto’s room. It would be Makoto’s word against his own and obviously Hagakure was the master of both debate and logic and could easily deflect his claims.

G o d he was so big brained. What an elite man he was. However, there was still one part of his plan he hadn’t thought about: who was he going to kill?

You’d think that’d be the first thing to be thought out but nah. He went over all the possible victims in his head. He couldn’t kill Makoto, that would kinda defeat the purpose of his initial plan. He couldn’t kill Shrek, she would fucking obliterate him. Shrek’s water girlfriend would also obliterate him. The hot baseball ginger would probs obliterate him too, he seemed strong.

He couldn’t even imagine trying to kill tricycle dude or his ominously buff rule husband, that was an obvious death wish. Toga party, Cheerios, Kyoko and Tornado head-ass all seemed too smart for him. This left Blue Bitch, Tokyo Fuckwad, Junkrat Enema and 4-Chan.

Since Hagakure decided that today he felt like respecting women, Hifumi had to die. How else would Hagakure get out of this god forsaken death school and go smoke crack with his mommy. 

So it was settled then. The clairvoyant grabbed a notepad and pulled his quill and ink from his hair, for he was a man of literature and dignity, and began to write a formal invitation:

‘Yo this is Naegi-chi We got uuhhhhh we got some anime t i d d y in my room 😳 k bye’

This had to be the best work of forgery he’d ever accomplished, even compared to all the tax fraud he used to commit. He shocked himself with how well he was able to capture Makoto’s simpleton dialect. Why wasn’t he the ultimate writing prodigy? No matter, he had to get this letter to Yamada. 

Yasuhiro took off down the dark hallway, his ninja like reflexes keeping him hidden in the shadows until he finally came across Yamada’s quarters. He knew it was his because of the picture on the door, he was an absolute genius and all but he couldn’t exactly ‘read’ or whatever the kids were doing these days. He slipped the elegant letter under the door and booked it back to Makoto’s room, with stealth and dignity of course.

It wasn’t long before the thunderous slap of Hifumi’s toes could be heard coming down the corridor. He waddled with audible vigor until he reached master Naegi’s chamber and knocked.

“SIR NAEGI!!” He called out “TIS’ I THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! YOU HAVE REQUESTED MY PRESENCE IN PARTAKING IN THE SWEET SUCCULENT DELICACY KNOWN TO MAN AS ‘ANIME TAHTAHS’! OH HOW I YEARN TO WITNESS THE ILLUSTRIOUS FEMALE FORM OF A 2D LADY, I TIP MY FEDORA TO YOU MY GOOD MAN!”

His words made Hagakure fucking dry heave as he attempted to understand what the hell that lard-ass just said. Nonetheless, he opened the door, staying behind it until he successfully lured the fanfic writer into his clutches. He slammed the door shut and whipped out the knife that he took from the kitchen, that no one could have possibly saw him take because he was super incognito about it.

“Sorry brah, but it your time to kick the bucket!” He pointed the weapon at that tree stump lookin’ motherfucker, who whirled around with a look of betrayal on his face.

“Ah, so it was Mr. Hagakure all along!” He declared pushing up his glasses. “I must admit, you might’ve tricked me with your letter, but I will not go down without a battle! Swords up gentlemen!” And with that he ripped the golden katana of the stand and started flailing it around wildly. Hagakure fucking screeched. Not that Yasuhiro was a pussy or anything, but a weeb with a sword was threatening as all hell. “YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE BOSS FIGHT! YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH KIND SIR!”

Hifumi started wildly beating the clairvoyant with the katana, it was then Yasuhiro realized he’d made a grave mistake. He kicked Yamada in the shin, made his way to the bathroom and locked himself inside.

“GO AWAY DUDE, YOU WIN! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” He pleaded, but Hifumi was not a generous god. 

“OH HO HO, ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY START A BATTLE WITHOUT FINISHING, OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE I OPEN MYSELF! IF I MUST DO THAT I CANNOT GUARENTEE THE FIGHT WILL BE FAIR!” Hagakure was shaking is his flop flops. His genius brain couldn’t get him out of this one, he was gonna have to rely on his physical strength. He could do this, he once arm wrestled a homeless veteran for a dime bag. He could do this. Yamada pounded on the door. “I SEE WE WILL BE DOING THIS THE HARD WAY” before Yasuhiro could even think about his next move, Hifumi let out his mighty war cry. “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” he bellowed, steamrolling the door open with his bowling ball figure. Yeah, no, Hagakure could not do this.

“PLEASE BRO! DONT DO THIS! I HAVEN’T EVEN GOT TO TAP THE BALL MAN YET!” The fortune teller cried. Of course he wasn’t actually crying, no this was merely an emotional manipulation tactic. Yasuhiro never cried, he was not a lil bitch. On god guys, he wasn’t I swear. Hifumi laughed manically.

“YOU ARE A FOOL AND A COWARD AND YOU LURED ME HERE UNDER FALSE HOPE OF HENTAI BOOBIES!! YOU WILL DIE FOR YOUR SINS!” Hifumi brought his sword down upon the trembling shell of a man. It didn’t kill him because it was made of cheap plastic, but it was enough to render him unconscious and allowed Yamada to gut him with his own blade.

•••

The students all stood around Hagakure’s dead body unsure of how he got here and why the bathroom door was completely ripped from its hinges.

“Naegi, why is this dirty plebeian laying dead on your bathroom floor?” Byakuya questioned. Makoto was at a loss here. Damn, maybe there were spectators following him. 

“Wow this is really sad guys, I don’t know what I’d do if that were me.” Sayaka chimed in with a look of sorrow. 

“Ah don’t worry Maizono, no one would ever kill you.” He clapped her on the back like one of the homies because we do not ship them here sorry.

“Yes, what a shame Mr. Hagakure was murdered. I can’t believe some one would -“ suddenly Kyoko came in clutch with some evidence.

“So I found this letter.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I did write Hifumi like neck beard Gundham.....what about it?
> 
> Also follow @Junkos.Fursona on tok tok and check out bipp_splapl on here because this is her fault that you are seeing this and she makes god tier content *chefs kiss* quality shit all around. That is all, have good day.


End file.
